just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
