Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
