how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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