Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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