I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
All the doctor said was why
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
