dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
