A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
