dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
