dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
