she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
