why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
