I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
