my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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