We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Every concussion has its silver lining
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
