Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
