he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
