Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize