I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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