he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
