I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
