You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
