I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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