Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
