And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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