Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
