Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
