Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
