for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
