It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
