I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
