I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize