I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
