If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
