ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
