my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
