Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize