I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
