Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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