I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
