He disabled his match.com account in front of me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I need a burrito and a hug.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
