i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
