chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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