My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
