My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize