I'm sorry my penis didn't work
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
