Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
