Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
