I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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