So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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