well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
