Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
