Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
