It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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