I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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