party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
