$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
