just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
