4 words: hood of his car
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Randomize
