Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
