similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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