hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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