You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
