i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
