Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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