Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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