Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
