Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
