how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
