I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
