I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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