Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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