Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Randomize
