There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize