Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
