trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
