So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
