You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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