After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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