The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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