Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
