wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
