Your tits are I can't wait for
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
