last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
