He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize