Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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