We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
