i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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