You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
