If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
