Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
