Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
