Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize
