Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
