I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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