The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize