I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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