community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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