the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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